hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
