PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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