the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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