Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
