How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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