And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
