He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
