I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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