i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
