jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
