Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
