oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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