Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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