Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
