one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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