I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
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My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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