Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
