I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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