At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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