I am full of burrito and curiosity
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
