Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
