Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
