Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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