so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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