I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
