Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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