omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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