Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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