good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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