i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
