i think my mom watched the whole time
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
