Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
