so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
