i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
