I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
