Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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