Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
