And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
