ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize