Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
