dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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