Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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