I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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