i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
