Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
