I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
