if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
