The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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