This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
