I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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