I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
