Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
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This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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