My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
