There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i dont even know how to be here
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
