I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have fence marks all over my body
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
