I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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