Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize