Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
