Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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