when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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