Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
