You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
