He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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