life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
