why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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