you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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