i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
