I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
