I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
