Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
