Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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