Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
